• Under the age of twenty
• People with absolutely no income – none whatsoever
• People that have no assets – ie. no home, no car, no trinkets – like say a savings for retirement
• No monthly expenses

Let me explain, apparently since i’m gainfully employed, own a house, have a car and a motorcycle, an RRSP for retirement i have too much to be eligible for funding by the student loan program in alberta and supplied by the government of canada. Apparently it’s like becoming a monk – i’d have to renounce all my earthly possessions just to get money to go to school. Although the application was just outright denied as “you have too many costs”. No justification or further details can be supplied.

So Plan B, apply for a student line of credit. Apparently i’d either have to be living at home, have no costs, or have a full-time job during my studies making the same wage as i am now. If i could work a full-time job and go to school full-time why would i apply for funding? Hello, Bank of Montreal have you done your reality check – 5 classes and a full-time job – that should be a reality television show. No problems with credit, no problems with borrowing money but without a parent signing as a cosignor i don’t qualify. Hello, Bank of Montreal, I’m 35, own a house, qualify for a mortgage, have 20 years of borrowing history – all good. Where’s the risk? Right, lend it to an 18 year-old living at home with no payment history, work history, etc. I’m lost as to the rationale behind the decisions.

Luckily i have some skills that i can use to supplement what will be a non-existant income for the next three years – start a fence building company next summer, build websites on contract, build websites that offer scantily clad models and pocket the cash, or sell my body (though i’m guessing this won’t be terribly lucrative). Seems like a lot of grief just to return to school for a career path upgrade. See you on the corner, my red light will be blinking.

i got on the bus and noticed something that would be impossible without the explanation of being the bizarro world – no advertising – AT ALL! none, nada. and me without a camera, surely a photo-worthy sight.

what was odd was that it looked terribly plain very amish. no fancy blaring graphics, tear-off marketing campaigns flapping in the wind, no retina burning optical colours. i was aghast.

surely the apocalypse is nigh when a few square feet of our space is not plastered with some type of advertising. i’ll get back to you if i see any rivers of blood, four riders of horses, or any of the other signs. i’m sure i was just imagining it.

“The death of sexual intimacy usually coincides with the purchase of the minivan, the worst idea a wife could ever have. In the ongoing struggle between emotion and intellect, most wives I’ve met sabotage their family’s future by alienating a man from his manhood, forcing him into maroon or tan Plymouth Voyagers and so submerging herself in motherhood that she denies him the mystery, thrill and hunt of his glory days. To many a married man, the arrival of the minivan signals his best days are behind him and the decay of his relationship with his best friend is a slow retreat into eunuch-hood.”

worth a read – http://phonogram.us/viewpoint/child.htm

why do people feel the need to try and push in when everyone is unloading off the bus? i’m leaving, i’m creating a space for your lunk-head – let me off and the world will be at one with itself, don’t let me off and we have a standoff fitting of the old spaghetti westerns (queue the music from the good, bad and the ugly). and frankly, ugly is what you’ll get. a stink-eye that’ll burn a hole right through you with one glance.

as rodney king would say – “can’t we all just get along”. scratch my back, let me off and you can be on your merry way. respect is a two-way street, lack of respect is a dead-end one-way.

simple things made complicated.