Nov 29 2006
failure, fear of it, beating it or just passing it by
last week i had to make a big decision. i’d been taking six university classes up until now, but the workload had gotten progressively more difficult to handle. i literally spent from 6am until 10 or 11pm every day working on school work.
the goal was to finish 6 classes per semester this year, 2 spring classes so i can finish my BA degree and move into the teaching BEd program next fall.
unfortunately with the way university classes schedule their assignments and midterms they are all due around the same time, mid-semester. as i mentioned in the last entry i’d worked until i was physically ill and couldn’t complete my work. so, i ended up dropping one of the courses and re-evaluating my timelines.
when it comes to projects for work, or school, i’m pretty good at estimating time, but when it comes to my own life i seem to misrepresent or underestimate the time required to get from A to B, and there’s nothing i hate more than missing deadlines or not doing my best work. so when it came down to screwing up the entire semester or just having to add one more course the decision was pretty easy - drop a course.
turns out i’d been struggling with the course anyhow, it wasn’t particularly interesting (though it could have been with a bit of interest on the part of the instructor) and i had run out of time to do a good job on a paper worth 45% of my mark. time to pull the plug, but pulling the plug is admitting failure.
no one likes to admit they are wrong, least of all me, but i had to admit to myself, partner and finally the instructor that i was beaten and that i couldn’t continue at the pace i’d been keeping. one of the hardest decisions to make, i had a roadmap, but unfortunately i’d run into a few detours along the way.
initially i was angry, with myself, with the tight deadlines and with never seeming to have enough time. as a few days went by i realized, i gave it my best try and it just wasn’t enough. sometimes giving all you’ve got just isn’t enough - this was one of those times. physically and mentally i can only accomplish so much, and i was at my end. it’s not so much admitting to failure as just moving on to the next challenge. two more weeks of classes to this semester, and it looks like everything will work out fine anyway.
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