Superfunkomatic - Observations of the Socially Inept

i can honestly say that the past three years as a civil servant has been the darkest era of my life. this year i made the decision to remove myself from that environment and go back to school full-time. when asked by new acquaintances from school if it was really that bad i would describe the experience as a “soul sucking, gut wrenching, depression inducing coma”.

here’s the motto of the average civil servant:

• do as little as possible
• ask for more than you need
• use resources like they are your own
• cost has no bearing in decision making, get the biggest, most expensive solution to your current issue/problem
• resist change, stick to the tried and true - even if it fails
• ignore common sense and logic
• don’t improve, just do what you’re supposed to - surely there must be a reason we would carry on business in this ridiculous manner
• leave seconds after the end of day bell
• don’t be passionate, passion is not “required”, just toil - hang in, it’ll be over some day

it’s funny to think that by the time you’re in your mid-30s that you’re supposed to be established and be beyond “childish” things like progress, personal development and personal interests - all things which are not interests of the average civil servant. once you get a “cushy job” like this you’re supposed to kick back and count the days to retirement - enjoy the comfort and similarity in the routine and the prospect of not having to do anything for the rest of your life - “you’re there”.

being that i worked in a technology based field, web development - lack of change anywhere else in the industry would be reason for dismissal or you’d be left far, far behind. civil service is continuing status quo, not challenging authority, and assuming things should continue regardless of obvious shortcomings. needless to say i quickly became a black sheep in the flock - “you work too hard”, “slow down”, “we’re unionized”.

as much as one can resist the temptation of sloth and the grey that is the ‘normal’ day as a civil servant, the ooze begins to creep into your own life. unknowingly you gradually succumb to the numbness that surround you, and one day, hopefully, you wake up and realize that there’s more to life and get the fuck out. but many, the vast majority, happily bumble along hoping for change, not willing it, hoping.

i began drinking more, eating poorly, not exercising, and basically hibernating away from traits of ‘me’ that used to be. no longer a social butterfly, no longer interested in meeting people, no interest in anything for several of the last months - just trying to stay sane in the face of the daily numbness. sleep began to be interrupted, couldn’t sleep sunday nights anymore - dreading the minute of going back to work monday.

Time for Change

Well, it came in January - i’ve got to fix things, get better, grow and get the fuck out. the first piece - get back into school. Success! no problem getting in. this was the biggest step, a light to take me from the abyss.

Second, act impulsively - seek change, seek new people, seek new experiences. Break the old ways, break the old habits. it’s amazing how quickly one’s outlook changes when they see a positive that they are working toward - began to get my sense of humour back, stopped drinking as much, started getting interested in pursuits other than career.

Third, bought a new motorcycle. i can say without a doubt that travel by motorcycle is easily the closest thing to a zen-like experience i’ve ever known. the outside world stops - no worries, no occupational grief, just you and the challenges immediately before you on the road. Many, many trips on the roads of southern alberta, no map, just turn where the “little voice” tells me. Try travelling the path less taken, wanna find your mettle - get out in a nasty rainstorm somewhere, no idea which direction to take and see how you react - good character builder. this summer is a 10,00km plus journey into what was ailing me - seeing myself getting older, lifeless, less active and lazy - couldn’t do it, needed the challenge and breathe of life to keep going. trips to BC’s interior, Nelson and one across western canada and the US to oregon completely rid me of the demons that had begun to sneek into the nooks and crannies of my being.

before i knew it the summer was over and i had one last week of employment. the longest most arduous week of my life. asshole boss moves me to a new office, that’s undeveloped (not even a phone and no other employees have moved in yet), and not ready for inhabitance - in my last week! politics of who i ‘belong’ to, where i ’should’ be and who i report to. honestly, want the final smack in the face to say this is over - well that was it. i’m done, really done.

that final step out of the office, out of the building and out on to the street was like i’d had someone break loose the chains of an enormous rock being dragged behind me. it’s really over. time to start again, redevelop ‘me’ and work towards a new career and new life.

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