Superfunkomatic - Observations of the Socially Inept

Well, for the past 3 months we’ve been beavering away at renovating the look of our little house.

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See - Before Photo | After Photo

The original plan was to tear off the mint green siding and repaint the stucco and trim. Well needless to say that this job like many others when renovating had it’s surprises, and was more work than we’d figured.

Getting Started

First step we removed the siding. We soon realized that the jackasses that put it on before used a gagillion nails and had completely marred the surface of the stucco. Can we caulk the holes, paint, and be done with it? Negatory. The whole bloody mess has to be removed right back to the sheathing and redone.

Finding a Contractor - Turns Out, It’s Me

Calgary’s building market is crazy right now. Property values have skyrocketed, more than doubling house values in the past 3 years. Needless to say finding good, reasonably priced contractors is almost impossible. We’ll have to do it on our own. I don’t have the skills to do stucco. It’s an art that takes years of practise, so we decided to use siding.

Let me tell you removing stucco is one of the tasks that ranks right up there with picking up dog shit. Not particularily hard work, but tedious and messy. Whacking away for about 4 days with a hammer and tools just to remove the stucco, then an afternoon to remove all the nails holding the stucco mesh on the house.

A Window to the Soul, or Soon to go to the Trash Bin

So do we leave the old windows, put a shine on a turd, and just redo the facade leaving the windows with a fresh coat of paint? Well, no. They are 50 years old, leak like sieves and the bay window isn’t even correctly installed - dangerously so.

The entire bay window weighs about 400-500 pounds. Our dogs frequently jumped up in, slept in and cavorted in the window. turns out all that was holding the window in place was a single 3″ nail in one corner - that’s a lot of frickin’ weight for one stinkin’ nail - I’d like to nail their nutsacks to the stucco for being so stupid and lazy - but, i digress… Had anything heavier than the doggies been in the window and it would have fallen off the front of the house. Not only was it just sitting in the frame, there was absolutely zero insulation or wind protection. above the window, cleverly covered with drywall was a gap about 2 1/2 inches large. Wanna know why it was so cold and draughty in the front room for the past couple years? We were kind enough to heat the outdoors for everyone with the gaps around the windows!

Once the old windows, their frames and the stucco were removed we installed a vapour barrier / wind barrier - Typar. In our climate here in Calgary builders still don’t put it on most houses - huh? why? too expensive.

The Original Rapper, I Mean Wrapper

Let me tell you this is the best spent 100 dollars on your house. keeps water out and lets the house breathe while drastically cutting down on wind travelling through cracks and the framing of the house. Honestly, I can’t see why builders/renovators don’t use it - instantly we noticed a difference in the “seal” of the house when it was installed.

Flashing - Not Just for Nudists Anymore
Another relatively new technology is the self-adhesive flashing. We used a product called resisto. It’s an emulsion and poly mixed sheet good that sticks to pretty much anything. Nail holes and stapled areas are self-sealed when it’s fastened into place - it heals itself. It’s designed to seal openings in the framing, and as a flashing around corners and windows. You’ll see the red ribbons of the stuff around the windows and along the foundation in the photos.

Once again, a small expense to make sure that no wind, water, snow or ice are penetrating the foundation or around windows and doors. This flashing was also installed across/over the bottom plate of the wall and the area where the foundation meets the framing - should keep out insects and nasty drafts.

The Windas Get Installed

The outside wrapping of the house was complete. With a helper the windows were loaded into place, checked for level and square and shimmed into place. The windows were ordered long in advance and were custom fit to the opening. If everything is properly prepared installing replacement windows takes literally minutes.

We used high-end vinyl windows for the EnergyStar rating for the quality of build and warranty. They really seal things up tight. Again this step made the house feel “tighter”. After almost a month without windows on the house it felt like we were beginning to grow mould and turn into mushrooms. it’s pretty depressing to not see the sun at all in your house. I’ve never been so glad to look out a window in my life.

A House with All the Trimmmings

Next when all the house wrap, flashing and windows were installed we began installing the finished trim (it helps to always have a pencil in your mouth, you’ll really look like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t) for the windows and siding. We used a product by James Hardie - HardieTrim Planks. It, along with the siding, are made of a silica concrete-like composite. They are basically like a light duty concrete that resists rot, water damage and is guaranteed for 50 years. It comes pre-painted. It’s actually pretty delicate stuff, and to be honest I think I’d recommend using the high compression OSB trim instead - less likely to get damaged from installation or wear and tear. This stuff apparently lasts forever, but isn’t very resistent to denting and dings, and if it’s handled laying flat can easily break - I broke 3 pieces just lifting it out of the delivery truck.

I Guess We Need a Door

In the midst of the installation of trim the custom door arrived. An 1 3/4″ solid Fir panel door with Energy Efficient sealed lites. Talk about looking like a million bucks. This adds the curb-appeal we were looking for. A bright new clean door that matches the period of the house - 1950s. It has a three point locking mechanism that secures and seals the door shut like Fort Knox. The quality of the finshes and the fit/finish are A-1, and they should be as the price for the door was nearly our first-born child - $3000.00 CDN. If you’re interested in more information see - Kolbe Windows and Doors.

Compressor, Nails in Hand - Finish the Trim

Bought a new compressor and rented an angled 2 1/4″ finish nailer. Installing the trim was a breeze. The key is to check everything to make sure it’s level and square. Every chance - pull out the 6′ level and check everything. If anything is out you’ll see it and it makes installing the siding a challenge. Don’t cheap out and use a torpedo level or a 2 foot level - they’re too short to be accurate over longer distances - plus if you see a guy with a 6 footer you’ll have level-envy.

Side, Side, Daniel-san

I’d dreaded the siding installation. I’d heard that the siding - James Hardie HardiPlank ColourPlus Siding was difficult to work with. We’d called contractors and they only install vinyl - which frankly i think is an affront to good taste. Vinyl siding for the most part looks cheap, tacky and doesn’t add value to our investment. Plus we’d just removed the shit from the house, the last thing we wanted to do was put up more of it.

Before installing the siding we put down an 1 1/2″ metal flashing (white) to turn away any water that had made it down behind the siding. This took literally 5 minutes to install 35 feet with a pneumatic coiled roofing gun.

The siding requires a cant-strip (yes, you can) - a small piece of 5/16″ good-one-side plywood about an 1 1/4″ wide does the trick as a starter for the first course. Some 1 1/4″ galvanized nails fasten it on nicely. Now the siding - holding my breath…

Well, the siding actually is easier than the trim. It’s more rigid and compressed than the trim. It requires a special blade for the mitre saw but is easily cut and handled. The key to the siding is making sure the first row is okay. If it’s level and square the rest will be too. We used a couple of piece of the 5/16″ plywood strips cut to 4 1/2″ to measure the reveal and keep the siding the same all the way up the wall.

For the cuts around the window a jigsaw with a fine blade can easily cut the siding material - it just gets ridiculously hot - no touchy! A few nips here and there and it nailed right into place. Measure 2-3 times, mark the measurements right on the piece and in place to make sure everything will fit.

The siding took a couple of days to complete. This is really a two person job since the siding comes in 12 foot lengths. The lovely and talented helper can help move things into place for nailing, measurements and getting the occasional slurpee when the weather is 35 celcius.

This is a project that can easily be handled by a homeowner with tools (rentals or their own), careful planning and a bit of patience (which frankly, is all i have at the best of times - a bit of patience). It’s made an enormous difference to the curb appeal of the house, frankly, it looks new again.
The total cost is about 8000 dollars if you do it yourself. Just think of the satisfaction you’ll get from doing it yourself and saving almost 10,000 dollars on labour. Beer always tastes better after you’ve been working like a slave.

Still have to finish the recessed lighting, soffit and a new porch to finish the project - hopefully one or two more weekends.

Tools

• Mitre Saw - 10″
• Table Saw - for ripping the pieces along the top and for the cant strip
• Cordless drill and various bits - we’ve used an 18V Rigid (kicks buttocks, great drill)
• Hammer - I Use the “persuader” a 26 ounce Estwing Framing Hammer (all real men do!)
• Chalk Line and Line Level/String
• Compressor and Nailers - Finish Nailer/Coiled Roofing Nailer
• Ladders - Helps to have a couple - one for each of the team
• torpedo, 2 foot and 6 foot levels
• nailset - to countersink nails gone awry
• Wonderbar (or equivalent) for removing old siding or finishes
• Safety glasses - protect the peepers, there’ll be shit flying
• Dust masks - silica in the lungs causes cancer, keep it out
• Utility Knife
• Carpenter’s Pencil - to put in mouth to make it look like you know what you’re doing, or that you’re deep in thought

Photos of Our Exploits

See the complete photo gallery - Stahl/Wren House Facade Renovation - 2006

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