Superfunkomatic - Observations of the Socially Inept

Apparently funding for school is for people:

• Under the age of twenty
• People with absolutely no income - none whatsoever
• People that have no assets - ie. no home, no car, no trinkets - like say a savings for retirement
• No monthly expenses

Let me explain, apparently since i’m gainfully employed, own a house, have a car and a motorcycle, an RRSP for retirement i have too much to be eligible for funding by the student loan program in alberta and supplied by the government of canada. Apparently it’s like becoming a monk - i’d have to renounce all my earthly possessions just to get money to go to school. Although the application was just outright denied as “you have too many costs”. No justification or further details can be supplied.

So Plan B, apply for a student line of credit. Apparently i’d either have to be living at home, have no costs, or have a full-time job during my studies making the same wage as i am now. If i could work a full-time job and go to school full-time why would i apply for funding? Hello, Bank of Montreal have you done your reality check - 5 classes and a full-time job - that should be a reality television show. No problems with credit, no problems with borrowing money but without a parent signing as a cosignor i don’t qualify. Hello, Bank of Montreal, I’m 35, own a house, qualify for a mortgage, have 20 years of borrowing history - all good. Where’s the risk? Right, lend it to an 18 year-old living at home with no payment history, work history, etc. I’m lost as to the rationale behind the decisions.

Luckily i have some skills that i can use to supplement what will be a non-existant income for the next three years - start a fence building company next summer, build websites on contract, build websites that offer scantily clad models and pocket the cash, or sell my body (though i’m guessing this won’t be terribly lucrative). Seems like a lot of grief just to return to school for a career path upgrade. See you on the corner, my red light will be blinking.

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